God cannot bless who we pretend to be
Photo Credit: Maggie Ann Boyd (instagram: @maggieannboyd)
I wouldn’t say I’ve ever doubted God’s existence, but I definitely have doubted God’s intentions towards me. I found it extremely difficult to trust His goodness and love at certain points in my life, especially when I was healing from the emotional scars of molestation and later on when I was coming out of an abusive relationship. It wasn’t until recently, when I was on a young adult’s retreat in the mountains of North Carolina, that I heard the pastor’s wife say that, “God won’t break your heart.” I finally felt that I could hand Him my broken pieces and that He would guide me to the man that He truly intended for me.
The Bible has so many amazing scriptures talking about how God binds our wounds and is near to us when we are crushed in spirit. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you… plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I had to start believing this truth over my life.
I’m kind of a control freak when it comes to my life. It’s a pride issue – I get it! And you know what? I like that I’m ambitious! I know I can get a lot accomplished in my own strength, but then I end up running myself into the ground, or I drive myself crazy with self-induced anxiety. So, of course God has been taking this opportunity to teach me true surrender. Once I literally felt Him say, “Hands off!”
I have found that the best things in my life have come from me not trying to dictate the results. Also, the amount of peace I’ve received from giving my problems to God proves that is definitely worth the conscious effort.
My relationship with the Lord has made a tremendous difference in my life. I have been a Christian since I was 5, but once I truly got serious and began to worship Him wholeheartedly, His love, protection, provision, and guiding voice became clear. I’m not remotely close to the “perfect” Christian and I make stupid mistakes on a pretty consistent basis. However, I fully believe that God meets us where we are at. God cannot bless who we pretend to be, so we might as well present ourselves as we are. He will never love us any less for being real with Him. In fact, it’s what He wants most. We just have to make ourselves available.
For those struggling in their faith, I just want you to know that I understand! The world is a messy place and people can be terrible, even within a “Christian” setting. And with all the false information and mixed signals out there, know that God is not a god of confusion. He promises us wisdom and He honors His word. So, if you are lacking clarity or doubting His plan, I would encourage you to just spend time talking with Him. Let your guard down. Be humble. Ask Him questions. If you need to cry, or even yell, do it! Talk to Him like He is your friend, because He is.
“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love… grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory…” Ephesian 3:17-21
Emily Jones is a 21-year-old college student at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte and an acting instructor at a studio based in the Charlotte area. She enjoys acting, writing, modeling, fitness, photography, and is an accomplished equestrian with 12 years of experience in the industry.
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