A sweet friend of mine just endured a terrible break up. She put all of her hopes and dreams into his empty words. It sucks. Been there.
Although I have only been in 2 serious relationships in my life, I've left behind a slew of disappointing "potential" ones. You know the kinds: He would have been great, if only...
We tend to roll our eyes at the thought or mere mention of past ex's or those "should-have-could have-been" guys, but I honestly think that those experiences are more beneficial for us to go through, because they teach us what to look for in a man, but also what to avoid. Break ups can also produce more wisdom about ourselves, about the type of woman that we are and the type of woman that we want to be.
Listen, consciously or subconsciously, we tend to gravitate towards people who reflect who we are.
If we find ourselves repeatedly in unhealthy and drama infested relationships, we might want to consider what it is about ourselves that keeps attracting us to those types of men and them to us. We each have much to learn about ourselves and even in marriage, there is still maturity to undergo. So in our time of singleness and dating, we must ask for God's guidance and His direction, so that we can encounter the man that is best for us, while we grow into the women that we need to be.
There are true growing experiences in every single break up we endure. I promise you. And these experiences are God ordained to teach us as well as prepare us.
"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps" ~Proverbs 16:9
As God is establishing your steps towards love and healing and growth, I want you to consider the types of men you've been dealing with and why they may or may not be so healthy for your longterm happiness, spiritual growth and peace of mind. Below are 4 types of guys that might trigger your fight or flight instincts, and redirect you from drama and into destiny!
1. Casper, the (not so) Friendly Ghost
All the signs are there. You feel like there is a serious potential, but in spite of good conversation, mutual interests and a seemingly obvious love connection, it seems like he’s never willing to fully commit His mood towards you changes and his intentions are sort of invisible. He doesn't believe in titles and he feels as if an exclusive relationship might hurt your friendship. You go to dinner, talk late on the phone, maybe even hold hands and cuddle, but he avoids any decision on making things official. He's a master at dodging the topic and instead of showing interest in relationship conversations, he makes magical disappearing acts right before your eyes!
His explanations cause you great confusion and self-doubt. Maybe you are looking too much into it? Maybe an exclusive relationship with titles isn't as big a deal as you think it should be. So, because you like the guy so much, or because you want the relationship to work so badly, you continue to wait, hoping, in time, he will realize how special you are and learn how to appreciate you more and grow up.
Be ware of the guy who dodges commitment and accountability. If he's so some-timey with you, best believe he will be some-timey with your children, with paying the bills, with telling the truth, ect...
Listen, if a guy wants to be your boyfriend, he doesn't need to be persuaded. This is a privileged position, after all. I have heard so many stories of girls who, after years of "being friends", endured great heart ache because the person they were waiting for decided to enter a serious relationship, even a marriage, with someone else.
Don't waste your time on empty promises. You deserve a man who will see your value and desire to obtain it, exclusively for himself. He won't hide you or his feelings for you, under any circumstances, because he will cherish you, as God's highest creation. Pray for that kind of man.
2. Game Boys
Trix are for kids and games are for children. If someone is leading you on, messing with your emotions, or playing games with you, end it now. You truly deserve better.
I was in a situation once were I was crazy over a guy and he loved to drive me crazy. He'd call me seven days in a row and then I wouldn't hear from him for weeks. He'd come visit me on campus during college, hold my hand and watch movies with me in my dorm room, but then he'd post crazy pictures with other girls on Facebook from parties he "forgot" to invite me to. Between 11th grade and my sophomore year of college, I was in this weird thing with this guy. Even on our prom night, we took our pictures and then he went missing for the whole evening and approached me only for the last dance. But I was young and vulnerable and I thought we were actually in a relationship! (Ha!)
Listen, a good man is good. Remember that. A good man isn't going to lie to you, belittle you, disregard you or mistreat you. A good man will love you and will be serious about being good to you. What I loved most about dating my husband, Jarrett, was that he was very open with his intentions for me. He made it very clear that he intended our relationship to